40 days.

This Summer has flown by. So fast. It’s already almost September!! So crazy. I have let the Summer fun take control of my diet. In a bad way. I have no idea how some people can eat crappy food for years and years. I ate crappy fast food, sugar, soda and processed foods for a little over a month and I have never felt so horrible. My list of symptoms goes something like this: Horrible allergies (like blowing my nose every 10 seconds kinda stuff), itchy, puffy eyes, acne EVERYWHERE, super moody, bloated, irritable, depressed, excruciating periods, bad breath, achy muscles, horrible time sleeping but always tired, always hot,  easily out of breath, foggy, groggy, and did I mention the ACNE??

When I was 18 my face was super clear. I was finally out of the teenage hormonal acne and on to clear beautiful skin in my 20s. WRONG. As soon as I hit my 20s it was like I was 13 all over again. It was horrible. I felt so insecure. Makeup couldn’t even cover it. It was embarrassing. I didn’t even want my husband to look at me with no makeup. This pass week has been the worst the acne has ever gotten. I stared at my face in the mirror and knew that I needed to do something.

We go to Universal Studios in 40 days. And if I kept eating like I was I know that I would have a horrible time at Universal. I would feel fat, sick and tired. I would feel insecure about my acne and I wouldn’t have the energy to walk around the parks for 10+ hours a day.

So Ben and I started a 40 day cleanse. We are doing to detox our bodies for 40 days and reap the results. We are both drinking green smoothies, a gallon of h2o a day, fruits, veggies and lean meats. I am completely eliminating dairy from my diet because I have a feeling that that is one of the causes of my acne and puffiness. Along with sugar. Sugar and gluten are what causes my allergies and weight gain. I just know that cutting those things out of my diet I will feel 100 % better in 40 days. I’m also going to limit my coffee intake. I’ll try to drink my herbal teas instead. And keep the recipes simple. Like grilled chicken and asparagus or salmon and mixed veggies. SIMPLE> that’s the key.

My main focus is to feel better. I know I will lose weight as well but that’s honestly not my goal. I just want to have more energy, have clear skin and not feel as bloated and weak.

I know I can do this for 40 days. And our end prize will be Universal!!! SO that’s fun to look forward to! I’m so excited. Ben and I have the best time together. I love going on trips with him. I love Orlando. I love him.

So wish us luck. I will post before and after pictures in 40 days.

 

Fathers, your sons need you.

It’s been seven weeks since Ben and I lost our baby. The last seven weeks have been such a growing and developing time in both of our lives. We have been focused on our health, bills, savings, the Lord, and each other. We have grown so close. Emotionally and spiritually. I am so in love with him. This morning, as I was getting ready for work, he randomly just woke up (he didn’t have to be up until later) and started making my coffee. He then asked if I needed help carrying all of my stuff to the car. ***Ahh.. such bliss*** I don’t think he quite understands what he does to my heart. He brings so much joy to me.

I have been praying so earnestly for a baby. I hope that the Lord will bless us soon. It’s so heavy on my heart. I think about it every day. I pray about it every day. I cry and laugh and day dream about it every day. Just being able to hold, feed, love, cuddle, teach, rock, and protect my sweet child. And to be able to see my husband be a Daddy. He is going to be the best Dad.

Fathers are so important. A child needs to hear that his father loves them. A child will look up to their dad. The fathers are a BIG role model to their children. Especially to young boys who will grow up to be husbands and fathers one day. Fathers need to be present in their kids life. They need to be active and involved. As boys grow up they will need that guidance and teaching and love and support that only the Father can give. When the son is a teenager he needs to know that he can come to his dad about anything troubling him. And guess what, he still needs to hear “I love you son” from his Father. Even in his 20’s. Shake your sons hand, tell him you’re proud of him, hang out together, build a relationship, do things together, make sure your son knows that you care for him and you are there for him whenever he need you.  I know too many young men in their 20s that didn’t have a good role model. They didn’t have a father that was present and active and involved. And they are suffering. They needed their dad when they were 12, 15, 18 and 30. They needed a dad that didn’t just make sure he was fed and clothed. But a dad that prayed with him, that told him they love him, that shook his hand when they visited, that taught him how to be a godly husband and father. That helped him through tough teenage times, that taught him how to treat his future wife.

Fathers, your sons needed this when they were 5 and they will need it when they are 25.

Ben will be a great father. He is such a protective husband and I can only imagine how he will be with his children. He already talks about everything he will teach his sons and everything he will do for his daughters. He will be the best example of how his sons should treat their future wife!! Because, oh my goodness, he treats me like a queen. (I don’t deserve it half the time) But he still does it. I can already tell that he will tell his children that he loves them every day, multiple time a day… because that’s what he does to me. He’s amazing and I am so proud of the man he is!!

I’m thankful for a Father that loved me more than life, and made me laugh and protected me and gave me the world!! My dad was active. He still is. I have never ever doubted that my dad loves me. He will do anything in his power to make me happy. I have always thought how lucky I was to have such a fun, silly, brave, strong, crazy, godly father. I really do. He’s the best.

And guess what?

Ben is not letting me down. He is not only meeting the standards that my dad left, but has other qualities that I admire so dearly.

Thank you, Jesus, for a husband that so clearly expresses his Christlike love to me and will do the same for our children.

Boy, I’m blessed.

It’s been a month.

It’s been 4 weeks since I lost my baby. Those 4 weeks consisted of some tears but lots of laughter. My husband and I have grown so much closer. We open up more. We talk. We serve each other. We don’t take a second of our lives together for granted. We know that life is precious. I think I always knew that but now it is really hitting me. I don’t want to go to bed angry anymore. I don’t want to leave the house mad at each other. I will never let him go to work sad or frustrated after a fight. What if I never see him again? What if after a huge argument, he walks out the door and I never get to kiss him again?? Or tell him I love him? Or lay in bed and laugh at something one of us said? Those are the most precious moments in my life. Nights we stay up late and watch scary movies that make us curl up next to each other and cover our eyes… well my eyes, or grocery store runs that turn into magical dates just because he makes everything romantic.  Even the small things that mean the world to me, like when we cook dinner together or sit on our front porch reading or chasing each other around the house. Or working on a project together. He makes me laugh. He gives me strength. He loves me for me. He makes me happy. I will never ever let another day pass where I don’t tell him how much he means to me. Because he means the world to me. I can not even express how much I love that man. At night when we sleep I lay my head on his chest and just tear up. Hearing his heart beat makes me all emotional. I think it’s because hearing it makes me thankful for his life. That he’s healthy. He’s alive. And he’s holding me in his arms.

Life is fragile, ya’ll. Don’t take it for granted.

These 4 weeks have been good. I break down sometimes but over all I’m fine. I am loved by a wonderful man, I have an amazing family, and awesome friends. I am eating healthy and exercising. I am trying new recipes and planting flowers. It’s Summer time!! We are planning a family beach trip. Me and Ben have lots of plans. He is going to be promoted at work soon! And I have a feeling a baby is in our near future! God has a plan. We are trusting in Him.

 

 

My Baby is with Jesus!

There have been so many times in my life where I thought  I could never be any happier than I was at that exact moment. Like the time I went to Disney World with all of my sisters for the first time, or the time I had my very first boyfriend and we held hands, or when I found out my Momma was finally going to give me a baby brother after living with a house full of sisters for eleven years, or when I was little and we were headed to the beach for a big family vacation, or even when I was in the car with my husband headed to Panama City on our honeymoon. All of these memories were amazing and wonderful and make me feel like the most blessed girl alive because I have the best family any one could ask for. But NOTHING could have ever brought me more joy than seeing those two lines on that little $1.00 test. That morning will always be the best, most joyful morning I have ever experienced. The only thing I have ever wanted more than being married is to have lots of children. That is my calling. I am meant to be a Momma.

We had just started trying to conceive in February and I got the positive in March. It took us one month to get pregnant. That in itself was a blessing and so shocking. I just knew it would take at least four or five months to get pregnant. But God blessed me with motherhood very quickly.  I am very grateful for that.

That morning was just like any other morning. I got up and got ready for work. I had been taking tests daily because I just had a feeling I was pregnant. All of the previous tests were saying negative so I just figured this one would be the same. I was brushing my teeth and looked down and couldn’t believe my eyes. I fell to my knees and starting thanking Jesus. I started crying and smiling and laughing and praying and dancing!  Ben was asleep and all I wanted to do was run in the bedroom and jump on top of him and scream “I’m Pregnant”!!! But I waited and went the whole day thinking of a way to tell him. He was so surprised and SO happy that evening.

Eight weeks went by with nausea, soreness, fatigue, sleepiness, mood swings and a whole bunch of exciting thoughts. I’m a planner, so I had already started thinking about the nursery, where we would put the bed and the rocking chair. I started looking at strollers and maternity outfits. We talked about our baby at night while we laid in bed. We talked about what he/she would look like, their personality, if they wold be shy like Ben or outgoing like me. We talked about how Christmas was going to be with a three week old. We were ready. We couldn’t wait to be parents.

I went to the Doctor and saw our tiny baby. It was the sweetest ultrasound. I could see the little heart beating and it was moving a little. I was in awe. I was in love.

Later that appointment, though, my nurse explained how the heart was not beating as fast as it should and how my little baby did not grow as much as it should have. They sent me back to the waiting room and I just stared out in front of me. Trying to come up with a reason. Trying to figure out what I did or didn’t do. Trying to make sure I got my dates right. Praying, holding back tears. I tried to distract myself by picking up a magazine but I just stared blankly at the pages. My mind was racing. My baby wasn’t going to make it. I kept thinking that maybe my baby will defeat the odds. Maybe they got the measurements  wrong. Maybe the heart just started beating and it will speed up in a day or two. Tears slowly start to fill my eyes. I noticed a few people staring at me, wondering if I was okay. I could barely breath. The nurse called me back and did my check up then I waited on my Doctor. She told me the news that I dreaded. She said that everything was looking like a miscarriage and that my baby had an 80/20 chance of surviving. I was devastated.

I wanted Ben so bad. I needed him. I walked the long walk back to the parking garage. It seemed like it took an eternity to get back to my car. Finally, I bursted into tears when I started driving. It was a very emotional drive home. I was in shock and was trying to get home as fast as I could to be with Ben.

I walked through the door and my sweet husband was doing the dishes. He had no idea what had happened because I wanted to tell him in person. I just walked inside and hugged him, bawling. He asked what happened and I told him that our baby wasn’t going to make it. We hugged forever. Those were the hardest few days I have ever lived. To go from immense joy to intense pain is hard.

We had a week before we had to go back and see if the baby was still alive or not. He/she was not. The heart had stopped days after my previous appointment. I figured since that entire week I had lost all of my pregnancy symptoms.

The Lord is so good to me. He has blessed me with more than I deserve. I got the chance to be a Momma to this precious little baby. Even if it was only for eight weeks. It was the best eight weeks of my life. I got to experience the most insane joy. I wish with all of my heart that this baby could stay with me. But God has a reason. My baby is with Him now! Oh how wonderful.

The Lord has given Ben and I so much peace.

Today I had my miscarriage. I was expecting a painful, vigorous, six hours of cramping but it actually went very smoothly. I had mild cramps for about an hour and I passed the full sac completely intact. I opened the sac up and saw my baby. I could not make out any parts on the baby or see any hands, feet or facial features but I did see my baby’s tissue and the form of a baby’s head and spine.  I know that may be gross to some and too much information but I don’t care. That was my baby and I got to see him/her. It was the best gift God could give me. After all the emotions I have gone through the past week, to be able to go through a mild, quick miscarriage was just what I needed. And to be able to have it all happen all at once was much needed.

Now we are focused on the future and what God has planned next. We are so excited about becoming parents to a baby on earth one day. We know God is faithful and He will bless us with lots of babies in His perfect timing.

Thank you so much to every one that prayed for us. It means the world to us! We are so thankful for so many wonderful friends and family.

God bless you all!

 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:3-9                                                                              

 

My small town love story.

I love the small town love stories that you see in Nicholas Sparks movies. The kind where they meet at the town fair, go to the dairy queen and split a chocolate shake and then he walks her home, letting her wear his letterman jacket.

I was thinking today about how Ben and I have one of those kind of love stories. Maybe not as picture perfect as Noah and Ally and would never be made into a movie but it’s still my favorite love story of all.

We met at the small town diner on Main street (chick Fil A, but small town diner sounds better) 😉      I was a waitress and he worked in the kitchen doing all the dirty, greasy jobs. We talked on and off for a year and finally made it official by the second year.

We spent the Summer driving to the small town movie store and renting all of our favorites. We drove to Sonic and got ice cream. We played softball and kick ball at the small town sports complex. We watched the 4th of July fire works by the small town lake. We would drive down to the small town lakeside restaurant and eat the best burger in the world! We went four wheeling down all of the country roads by his house.

He fell in love with me at the small town Christmas parade. He drove me home and we got lost. He took me on dates to the town park where we rode bikes and laid in his hammock. We went to the town carnival together, he attempted to win me stuffed animals every chance he got.

I fell in love with him while we sat on our front porch swing looking at the stars. He was trying to help me with my math work and I knew right then and there that I wanted to be his wife.

We dated a year when he finally proposed. He didn’t buy my ring at Jared’s or Tiffany’s but at our small town Jewelry store located on Main Street. A few weeks before our wedding we walked down town to main street to get our marriage license. We got married very close to our small town. About 10 miles away. Our wedding was beautiful, classy and unforgettable.

Now we have been happily married for almost a year. We live in the same small town we met and fell in love in. We live a few miles from each of our family’s. We can not wait to make even more memories here.

Thankful for a freezing house.

Marriage is in NO way easy. It’s not a fairytale or vacation. It’s not always dreamy, cozy or perfect. It’s hard work. You’re living with someone who WILL get on your nerves. Somebody who will hurt your feelings. You will get easily angered and annoyed. There are fights and disagreements. There’s sleepless nights and cold dinners. Some days you will not want to be in the same room as them. There are arguments about bills, cars, food, messes, jealousy, and work. It’s tough. It can be stressful. But I would not  trade these last ten months of being married to Ben for anything! Because marriage is also filled with laughter, cuddling, food fights, movie nights, dinner in bed, trips, stories, dreams, happy tears, prayer, love, romance, dates, gifts, new adventures, road trips, kisses, hugs, holding hands, afternoon walks, trust, loyalty, kindness, forgiveness, patience and having your best friend by your side though all of life’s struggles and excitements!

Last night our heat stopped working. It slowly fell to 57 degrees. We were freezing. We hurried to bed and grabbed 4 blankets to layer on top of us. We had sweatshirts on and warm socks. We were shivering. The whole time we were getting ready for bed I was upset because I wanted to fix it. I wanted Ben to help me fix the heat. (I had no idea how to fix it or where to start but I just didn’t want to be cold any longer)!! I then proceeded to climb into bed and get angry because he wasn’t being sweet to me. Or cuddling with me or loving on me. I had stayed up till 11:30 waiting for him to be home!!! I was tired and cold but I wanted to wait for him. So I got upset because I didn’t get the reaction I wanted. He came home, tired, cold, hungry and sore. And I got upset!! What’s wrong with me??? He ate real fast and got into bed. He was exhausted from such a hard night of work. And I got mad because he didn’t give me the attention I wanted. So we started arguing. He apologized in a not so very sincere way and I shoved his arm away when he tried to hug me. We finally ended the night turning over in anger and falling asleep. We didn’t fix it. We just stopped. We were both mad and annoyed with each other. But through the night as the house got colder and colder, we slowly got closer and closer. As we slept, we needed each other. We were freezing. I needed his arms around me. He needed my head on his chest. The argument didn’t even matter. We woke up warm as can be! We didn’t want to get out of bed. We were so warm and cozy. We didn’t talk about the argument. We were happy. He kissed me and hugged me as he left for work. We were happy. Our arguments never last longer than a few minutes or maybe hours. We always come back to our love for each other. I love him so much. So much!!

We needed the heat to stop working last night. It brought us closer together. When we didn’t have the comforts that we were used to, we turned to one another. I was more warm last night than I have ever been!  Ben is my rock. He’s my protecter, he’s my leader, he’s my covering. He keeps me warm at night. He is always trying to make me happy. And he succeeds! Every day.

So I am thankful that we have a 50 degree house right now. It’s okay because I have the  most loving, sweet, strong man to keep me warm at night. ❤

Ben, I love you.

 

 

 

 

How I sleep like a baby!

It’s winter, it’s cold, rainy, foggy and wet. Everyday I step out onto my yard and my shoes sink in mud. I have to wait for my car to heat up, I have to wear layers and scarves just to drive. Then I drink coffee all day long just to stay warm. Once I get home from work, the house is cold, dark and not exactly as clean as I would like it. I start dinner and maybe a few loads of laundry. All I can think about is my warm blankets, my husband and coffee.

Winter may be unpopular and cold but I do find joy in my sleep. Lately Ben and I have been sleeping AMAZINGLY. Like better than we ever have. And I am here to tell you my routine to a peaceful, cozy, dream filled night.

The first thing I do after I get home from work is start dinner and turn up the heat. While dinner is cooking, I do a load of laundry and any dishes in the sink (thankfully my wonderful husband usually does the dishes for me <3) we eat dinner and watch some T.V.

After that, I jump in the shower, I shave, bath and exfoliate to wash off all the dirt and grime from the day. I moisturize, brush my teeth and spray a little perfume on. I brush my hair and put some warm pajamas on. After my bath I make sure the kitchen is clean.

I then light some candles, fold some laundry and spend the evening with Ben. We usually make a healthy dessert like chocolate pie or a banana shake. I like to eat something light before bed because it puts you in a coma! Lol

I go to sleep at 9:30 or so. It just depends on what Ben are I are planning. We usually go to bed early. So I turn out all the lights, I brush my teeth one more time, I drink some water, maybe put some more lotion on my face. I then put thieves essential oil on my wrists and ankles. I put frankincense on my face, I rub some lavender on my neck and behind my ears. Then I diffuse lavender and stress away. My diffuser sits right next to my bed so I am inhaling it all night. It’s amazing.

I jump in bed, maybe read a little, rub lotion on my feet, turn my fan on, kiss Ben goodnight and drift off to sleep. I have no stress from the day on my mind, my house is clean, I’m clean, I’m warm, I am protected by a strong, brave man, I am relaxed and cozy. My room is dark, I hear the fan running and my diffuser. It’s so calming. I literally don’t wake up until my alarm clock wakes me up the next morning.

Every night we get about 10 hours of sleep. Sometimes Ben will stay up a little later. But I always get those sweet 10 hours. It is heaven!!

So my 10 tips on getting a good (10hr) night sleep:

  1. Make sure your house and sheets are clean.
  2. Eat a little snack before bed
  3. Take a HOT shower
  4. Use oils!!!
  5. Moisturize!!
  6. Try using a fan
  7. Make sure you are on good terms with your hubby. (no fighting or stress)
  8. Dark room
  9. Wear socks or warm pjs
  10. Read a chapter of a book. NO IPHONE!! OR LAPTOP!! OR TV!!! It hurts your eyes and can give you a headache right before you sleep. 😦

I hope these tips were helpful. And I know that I have no kids yet so it makes this list super easy for me but I am certain that you can do all these thing with 10 kids!! It’s not that hard. I know that I will be doing these things when I have children because momma’s need “me time”. Maybe not 10 hours worth but I’ll shoot for 7 😉